its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Randomize
