I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
True strength comes from lack of pants
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
