but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
