$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
