so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my phone needs a breathalizer
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
