She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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