hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
