Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
