so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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