I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
