I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
