Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
