I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
