i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I touched a dick in church today
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
