just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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