i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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