I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
