I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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