So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
