we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
