That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
