Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
