Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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