just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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