There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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