Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
