Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They have beer where we have blood.
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