The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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