Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
