just come out here and I will go home with you...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The ass gains better be worth it
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