Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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