im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
