I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
