come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
