How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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