I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
