I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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