my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
