Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
