Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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