Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
