I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
