I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
