i just wanna soil my oats bro
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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