Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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