That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
