just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
