Christians are straight up FREAKS
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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