I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
