1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
