I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
