Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
