Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
