so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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