Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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