I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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