I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
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i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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