he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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