just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
