You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
