Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
