You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
