I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How naked do you want me to be?
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