I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
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She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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