so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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