I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
