yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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