His pubic hair was longer than his dick
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's like iHOP with fire
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
