Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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