he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
