Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.

(303): View more from Colorado

She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye

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(303): You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake. (303): She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye http://tfl.nu/k1ky

Replies (4) Good night (1370) Bad night (569)
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(409): View more from Texas

We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

(1-409): View more from Texas

How are you texting me from 1998?

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(409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq

Replies (27) Good night (8795) Bad night (1328)
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(805): View more from California

He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.

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(805): He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out. http://tfl.nu/7h8c

Replies (13) Good night (1515) Bad night (5244)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

Either way, he made a blog for his cat.

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(870): Either way, he made a blog for his cat. http://tfl.nu/y9xq

Replies (4) Good night (1335) Bad night (3489)
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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.

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(867): Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now. http://tfl.nu/u52e

Replies (9) Good night (985) Bad night (2134)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP

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(604): Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP http://tfl.nu/30gs

Replies (6) Good night (3414) Bad night (901)
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(386): View more from Florida

Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.

(904): View more from Florida

You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.

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(386): Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days. (904): You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal. http://tfl.nu/6thw

Replies (3) Good night (1244) Bad night (647)
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(573): View more from Missouri

He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.

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(573): He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer. http://tfl.nu/1tmt

Replies (2) Good night (833) Bad night (814)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.

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(814): I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood. http://tfl.nu/fkn8

Replies (10) Good night (1186) Bad night (519)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.

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(717): You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good. http://tfl.nu/n7zo

Replies (3) Good night (1517) Bad night (523)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.

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(410): I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful. http://tfl.nu/rt55

Replies (5) Good night (535) Bad night (1840)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south

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(205): I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south http://tfl.nu/kpax

Replies (8) Good night (1646) Bad night (597)
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(419): View more from Ohio

I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him

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(419): I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him http://tfl.nu/czew

Replies (5) Good night (1605) Bad night (581)
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(707): View more from California

I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.

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(707): I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things. http://tfl.nu/vhue

Replies (4) Good night (1212) Bad night (369)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.

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(603): I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down. http://tfl.nu/shbl

Replies (1) Good night (431) Bad night (222)

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