And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.