Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.