When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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