I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
zippers are such a cool invention
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
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I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best