I have demons in me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How does a face ride mean we're back together?