is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
