thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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