The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
