you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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