My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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