What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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